I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
