Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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