Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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