went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize