what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
