I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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