Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
