i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
