My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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