Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
