yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
