I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
