I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize