I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
