alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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