Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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