So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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