.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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