i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
