It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
