Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Floor bacon is actually really good
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
