That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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