a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
