dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
