You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
