Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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