I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
