the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
