holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
