glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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