and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
