jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
