You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
