Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
