Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dick very happy bro
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
