John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize