if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
