I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
