i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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