we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
