Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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