I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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