Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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