I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
