Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
