Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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