your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
