I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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