You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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