i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
