KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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