I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
