woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
