i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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