wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
