Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
