I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
