at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
