Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
