This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
