I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
