Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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