just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is not my ceiling
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
