OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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