i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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