Jerry, you need to find god
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
