Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
