Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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