i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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