smell my finger.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
