youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
