I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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