i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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