White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
