Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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