it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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