Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
