Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
