chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
