we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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